How to Get Over Break UpI have been happily married for over five years but I can still remember how hard it is to get over a break up. I can feel the overwhelming anger because an ex had treated me so badly, the overpowering jealousy when I saw an ex with a new partner and how pathetic I was to think that I would get back together with an ex who was clearly not interested. You need to survive and get over a break up in order to attract the right person into your life. If you haven't got over an ex, your new relationship will fail since you will not have the space and energy to make your new partner feel loved enough.
Here are my 5 top tips on how to get over a break up:
1. Stop comparing every man/woman you meet to one or more of your exes.If you hold one of your exes in such high esteem that no one else measures up to them, you need to do a reality check and recognise why the relationship would never have worked. If you're unable to understand why it wouldn't have worked, ask friends, family or get some professional advice.
2. Resist the temptation to contact an ex when they have ended a relationship with you.Everyone has the right to say "no" and "no" means "no". Also remember that you can't make someone love you and just because your ex is no longer interested, it doesn't mean that there isn't anyone else who will be interested in you. If you continue to pursue an ex who is not interested, you will create a never-ending cycle of disappointment, hurt and even anger for yourself and your ex. If you are concerned about your behaviour being unusually irrational and obsessive, seek professional help from a therapist or counsellor.
3. Start forgiving your ex for the way they treated you.Not forgiving your ex can hurt you far more than them. Forgiving someone doesn't mean agreeing with the behaviour which hurt you. For example, you can forgive someone for being unfaithful to you but this doesn't mean letting them be unfaithful to you again. Remember also that your ex is probably feeling guilty and regretful about the way they treated you.
4. Start forgiving yourself for the way you treated an ex.When you direct blame, anger and resentment towards yourself, you are continually telling yourself what a bad person you are. This can lead to self-hatred and leave you feeling unworthy and unable to attract a healthy relationship. To start to forgive yourself, acknowledge what you have learnt from your mistakes and that you wouldn't treat anyone like this again and apologise to your ex face-to-face, in writing or if you are out of touch, visualise meeting and apologising.
5. Stop relying on your ex for emotional or practical help and/or stop giving an ex emotional or practical help.Exchanging practical or emotional support with an ex keeps you emotionally connected. Be wary of being too dependent on an ex for help and mistaking this kindness for romantic interest in you. Also be wary of the ex who uses you for support since they don't have a partner in their life.
Remember that getting over a break up is the first step towards attracting a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Resource ~ How to Get Over Break Up ~ Candy Jannetta